I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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