so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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