can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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