Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
