after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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