I wish I could punch you in the face.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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