im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just threw up on my dentist
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
