Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
