Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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