Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
