there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
