ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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