I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
