Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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