No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
