What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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