i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
