He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
