Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We left the knife in your bed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
