He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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