EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
