hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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