9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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