I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
