I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
as a side note pls kill me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
