my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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