The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
