how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
