I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
