if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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