Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
