I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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