everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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