I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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