walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
