I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
