Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize