So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize