this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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