I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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