Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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