dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
