ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
