He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
