Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
