Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
