genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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