I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
