i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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