Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
