Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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