She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
