the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
