Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
