I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
