It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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