All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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