Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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