i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
