So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
