Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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