you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
