So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize