He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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