I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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