It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
