I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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