Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
