god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
