Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
