I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
