a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
