did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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