WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so explain again why im purple
no
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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